Bottoming out sex

Added: Hazen Thorn - Date: 10.04.2022 03:15 - Views: 10025 - Clicks: 3037

So is there a place for them in your sexual lexicon, or have they become an exclusionary tool for pigeonholing how people operate sexually? It's complicated, to be sure, but according to experts, it's possible to use sexual identifiers like top and bottom in a positive way. The exact definition of these identifiers will vary depending on the context of the specific sexual situation and the community in which it's being used. A "switch" is someone who would derive equal amounts of pleasure from either role, depending on the situation.

When consensual impact play any sexual scenario in which physical impact—like spanking, for instance—is used to provide pleasure is involved, the bottom tends to be the more masochistic partner while the top tends to be more sadist. Meaning, the bottom typically derives pleasure from receiving pain, punishment, or humiliation, while the top may enjoy inflicting said pains. In the broad queer community, these terms are usually used to explain who is physically on the top or bottom.

In missionary-style intercourse, fingering, or oral sex, for example, the partner literally on their back is the bottom, while the partner face-down is the top. Here, the identifiers "switch" and "vers" are used interchangeably to describe a person who enjoys both positions. However, in the community of gay penis-havers, the terms "top" and "bottom" are used to al whether someone is penetrating, being penetrated, or both regardless of who is physically on the top or bottom.

And "side," coined by clinical sexologist Joe Kort, PhDindescribes queer men who neither enjoy receiving nor giving penetrative anal sex, and instead prefer other sex acts like mutual masturbation, hand sex, rimming, and kissing. Whether shared in a dating bio or in conversation with a potential partner, these sexual identifiers may make it easier to find lovers, especially in the queer community.

Publicizing the label you identify with may also help you find your sexual subculturewhich researchers define as a group of people that shares a set of norms, values, beliefs, and sexual preferences or desires that are considered deviant by the dominant culture.

Bottoming out sex

Someone interested in having sex that is different from that dominant majority queer, kinky, gender-explorative, etc. Doing so can help a person cultivate a sense of community, which can in turn help folks shed a sense of shame. The mere existence of the label and reality that many people use it means these folks are all in good company, says Tanner.

And since strength can come with s, that alone can be shame-extinguishing. While sexual identifiers can be helpful for dating and finding a sense of community, they're certainly not the final word on compatibility of any sort. And when it comes to the sexual stuff? Compromise is generally a fruitful tool to facilitate compatibility among folks who have supposed misaligned identifiers in sex, like multiple tops or multiple bottoms, says sex educator Searah Deysach, owner of pleasure-product company Early to Bed. And, it's worth pointing out, not all tops are sexually compatible with all bottoms, just as not all sides are compatible with all sides.

Likewise, socially, not all people who are interested in similar sex acts are destined to be friends. Beyond compatibility among friends and potential partners, sexual identifiers are, at best, a single marker of a person's preferences or even personality —but they're just one marker of many. Giving too much credence to that single marker—which can, by the way, evolve and change over time—can have an isolating effect. Just as any other label mom, Catholic, lawyer, etc.

Bottoming out sex

Consider the top, for example, who meets a partner they do want to bottom for. Does that top allow themselves the freedom to switch roles, or do they let their attachment to a top identity keep them from lying? Make a list of your best sexual experiences, noting the sex acts you tried, the physical location of your body during the sessions, and energetic exchange.

And during partnered play, explore, explore, and explore some more, Tanner adds. The most meaningful practice is to maintain an ongoing curiosity about your sexual desires. Oh hi! Enter Address. Your official excuse to add "OOD" ahem, out of doors to your cal. Become an Insider. Facebook Pinterest Twitter Youtube Instagram. T op, bottom, vers, switch, sides.

These words may sound like bunk preferences or Bop It! According to Casey Tanner, LCPCcertified sex therapist and expert with pleasure-product company Lelothese terms originated in the gay, male-identifying community, but they've since become ubiquitous in the broader queer community, and have also permeated into the way some hetero, cis folks describe how dominant or submissive they are during sex.

But, as is the case with all labels, using these identifiers can be helpful to an extent for providing a sense of community and belonging, but they can also be incredibly limiting. Related Stories. Experts Referenced. Casey Tanner.

Certified sex therapist. Goody Howard, MSW. Searah Deysach. Sex Educator and owner of Early to Bed. Tags: Sex Advice. Loading More Posts Featured Collection. Close Close.

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